What does cat food ACTUALLY taste like? We makan and reviewed

Listen, I know what y’all are thinking. “Why?” C’mon, don’t tell me y’all haven’t wondered what pet food tastes like when you watch your pets chow down on their slop. No? Well, I did. I got curious when we were feeding our unofficial office cat, and I’ve always liked Anton Ego from Ratatouille, so… here we are.

After visiting a few pet shops, I returned with ten wet foods for pets – five of them produced for dogs, five of them for cats – and unsatisfied that I’d be the only one going on this gourmet journey, I dragged my editor and one of the video team staff into the tasting session. The pet foods were judged based primarily on two criteria:

• Smell
• Flavor

…but other factors like texture and price point will play a role. This article will go over cat foods first, and there will be a subsequent one for dog foods, but before we go on, please play this song on loop to fully enjoy the review:

Bone apple teat.

1. Sheba Chicken Premium Loaf

Smell: Oddly, this one smelled a lot like TC Boy canned tuna (the ones that come with crackers). Not throwing any shade at TC Boy, this is more of a compliment toward Sheba.

Taste: The scent of canned tuna belied the Premium Loaf’s flavor – the chunks of processed meat were pretty tasteless. Apparently, our video person said there was a hint of sweet potato when she gave it a taste.

Price: RM2.40

Verdict: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

2. Royal Canin Care Intense Beauty

Smell: Right off the bat, the Intense Beauty smelled like offal. Personally, not a fan.

Taste: Biting into the little red pieces of processed meat feels like biting into soft plasticine, and… yup, tastes like raw pork intestines, or perhaps raw paru for our Muslim friends out there. This was the beginning of my gag fest that lasted throughout the tasting session. Our editor liked it though.

Price: RM3.50

Verdict: Not beautiful/10

3. Purina Fancy Feast Inspiration with Chicken, Pasta Pearls & Spinach

Smell: Unpleasant. I think our editor said it best:

This smells like it could either taste really, really good or really, really bad – UiHua, professional pet food taster.

Despite that, both he and the video person said the meat looks like the soy sauce chicken you’d see at a chap fan place. Not throwing shade at any chap fan operators. Also, the meat had a pretty good mouthfeel when I was giving it a chew.

Taste: It’s got a flavor profile that’s similar to the Intense Beauty, but not as intense. Having said that, the gagging continues.

Price: RM3.40

Verdict: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

4. SmartHeart Chicken with Rice & Cheese

Smell: A breath of fresh air after two brutal stretches. It says that this is made out of real chicken, so expectations were high.

Taste: Chicken, rice and cheese sound like a pretty good combination, and SmartHeart did not disappoint. While it’s not quite your Hong Kong cheese-baked rice, it tasted like a sloppily made yet perfectly edible stir-fried chicken dish some college chad would make.

Price: RM1.40

Verdict:

• Jake: ★★★★★★★★★☆
• Our editor: 10/10, would recommend to human beings, but don’t do it
• Person from video team: This one’s the best by far

5. Whiskas Tuna Wet Food

Smell: Upon opening the packaging and smelling the contents, I immediately teared up and retched. Good lord it was like passing by a fishmonger’s at the pasar pagi, but the stall sold slightly rotten fish.

Taste: Indescribably bad. To quote our editor:

Oh God, it’s like someone took some sardines and blended them with water – UiHua, man’s best friend.

No texture to speak of, either. It might be Gordon Ramsay-level food for cats, but we sure weren’t feeling it.

Price: RM1.60

Verdict: Would not recommend for humans/10

Some people have to eat pet food out of necessity

Okay, fun and games aside, there is an actual point behind this whole experiment – some senior citizens in the US have had to resort to eating pet food cuz the pension provided by their government wasn’t enough to cover their living expenses. According to this news report by ABC4, a baby boomer from Utah received USD1,500 a month in Social Security from the Utah government. That doesn’t sound too bad at first, but let’s look at the breakdown of her expenses:

• USD600 for rent
• USD500 for gas, lights, food, and cable TV
• USD120 for medicine

If she’s lucky, she’ll end up with USD300 or so left over that goes into her savings every month. Some seniors have it even worse – apparently, she knows some senior citizens who only receive USD700 per month.

I’m one of the lucky ones. Some people that I know make in the USD700. How do you make it on USD700? – Maria Garcia, in an interview with ABC4

While living costs in Malaysia are lower than that of the States, the World Bank estimates that 14% of our country will be aged 65 years and above by 2044, making our country an “aged society”. And with birth rates dipping lower than ever before, perhaps it’s high time for our own government to put the welfare of our seniors high on their list of priorities.

Before we end this review, it’s gotta be said that we are by no means saying that these wet cat foods aren’t good for your cats; they’re probably fantastic, but yeah, they’re not made for people, hence our reactions.

So yeah, there’s gonna be another review coming up tomorrow for dog food (at the time of writing). Please look forward to it. Also, our pee smelled like cat food for about half a day after. Discount Anton Ego out.