15 Most kesian toys we found in Jalan Ipoh

Some time back, Our editor Chak was walking along Jalan Ipoh when he came across a row of toy shops… not the super-atas Toys-R-Us toyshops, but the singlet-wearing uncle type of toyshops. He decided to browse around and found toys that set his Salah Sense™ tingling.

Just to clarify, we mean salah as in “funny because it’s random or full of Engrish” not salah as in “perverted”. You got Google for those kinds of toys.

And seperti biasa, click on the pictures to view in full size  🙂 

1. Hey Nick Fury, I think we have a spy on the Avengers team….

Sorry to disappoint ugaiz, but membership to the Avengers team isn’t as exclusive as it looks in the movies. Over the years, it seems that all you need to be part of the team is a spandex suit and a one-word name summarizing your abilities.

But even Nick Fury would have to draw the line at Batman since he’s not even part of the Marvel Comics universe – he’s owned by their competitor DC Comics.

Even the toys in the packaging seem to notice:

Cool your arrows Hawkeye, let Nick Fury handle thi….OMG IS THAT A WHITE NICK FURY???!

Unless they somehow modeled this toy after the first Nick Fury in the comics, all we can say is that Samuel L. Jackson will not be pleased…

2. Robots nowadays are quite liberal hor?

You might look like a robot on the outside, but what if deep down inside you KNOW you were actually meant to be a dinosaur?

Or a plane? ↓

Or a….. something? ↓

What if society doesn’t accept you for being a transrobot? Will you live the rest of your life as a robot in disguise™?

Other manufacturers managed to avoid these problems by just avoiding the “Trans-” label altogether, and just be honest about their manufacturing…

Though we’re not sure if it makes things better, judging by the robot’s expression…

3. Anti-Terrorism bricks to brick break Terrorism

The issue of terrorism is a big deal nowadays, but these guys took things a step further by getting kids to literally build their own counter-terrorism force.

We’re not entirely sure if this would help children “develop their imagination and creativity! More intelligent!”, but we’re sure it’d be a “speical experience” considering how our own childhood experience with knockoff Legos has taught us that they never fit properly. Ever.

Or maybe we can just get kids to ditch all the technology stuff and stick good old-fashioned army training by…

Taking full advantage of a baby’s inability to walk upright by getting them to crawl through enemy lines

Or giving them super high-tech weapons like a BODY ODOR-POWERED VOICE SHINE ROTATION FANTASY THUNDER POLICE SUPER DAZZLE FUNCTION GUN 5

With that kinda name we’d expect it to do something like this:

4. We don’t even know what to say about these ones

Unless these birds have permanent RBF (we’ll let you Google that yourselves), there’s no way that’s a happy bird. Or maybe they just look better not smiling, like Tommy Lee Jones.

On the other hand, these guys are totally out to put a smile on your face…

We figure comedy really does come easy to the mini-train, since Chak was laughing too hard to take a steady shot  🙄

Yes, we’re dirty-minded. Also, doesn’t the giraffe’s tongue look like it’s sticking out the side?

And lastly, we have no clue what these things actually do:

The toy’s description on the packaging reads “Fury electromotion top endeavor toward higher record!”

Totally explains it.

Not even gonna try.

Don’t rush out to buy any of these toys just yet!

If you’re going to buy them for the comedy value, sure go ahead. But whatever you do, think twice before getting them for your kids or other peoples’ children. 

Sure, a child probably won’t know (or even care about) whether a toy from an established company like Fisher-Price or a suspiciously-named one like Meying-Price, but there’s a reason why branded toys are so much more expensive – they are far less likely POISON the child.  

We’re not exaggerating either – many of these “off-brand” toys have been found to contain toxic chemicals such as lead, phthalates, and mercury which cause all sorts of side effects ranging from organ damage to developmental disabilities, and death. Younger children are at a much higher risk because their organs are still developing and have a tendency to suck or chew on these toys.  And don’t trust the “safe for children” or “no toxic chemicals” labels on these toys either. False labelling is a huge problem in China.

We understand that not everyone wants or is able to fork out hundreds of Ringgit for a branded toy, but if you do decide to go with off-brand ones do take the following precautions before letting your kid play with it:

• Check for loose, sharp, or removable parts
• Give it a good wipe before letting your kid play with it
• Check if the paint comes off, especially during the first few days. If it does, THROW IT AWAY.

Or if you’re an overgrown kid like us who’s already absorbed a fair amount of toxins in our childhood… go for it 🙂

In the meantime, we’ll sign off with Earth’s Derpiest Superheroes™

• 12 BRANDS YOU DIDN’T KNOW WERE ACTUALLY MALAYSIAN
• 15 FUNKY THINGS CHINESE PEOPLE BURNT FOR THEIR ANCESTORS
• 9 OVERSEAS PRODUCT NAMES ONLY FUNNY TO MALAYSIANS (AND MAYBE SG AND ID)