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3 super dodgy conclusions from Malaysia’s Pornhub stats

Dear lady readers, despite the title (because CILISOS is opportunistic and sensationalist), we urge that you read this anyway because it’s not really about porn. And to our male readers, what we’re going to bring up might be something you’d want to consider the next time you’re doing a Han Solo on your Millennium Falcon.

Also, this article is safe for work, but some of the links are not!

If you haven’t already seen the article in The Star about our countrymen on the east coast being Malaysia’s champions of self-service, here it is:

pornhubstats

Image from Pornhub via The Star. Click to link to article

So yea, interesting stuff… but this has led to some questions from us (and some of our friends), such as “Hah, I thought we cannot access Pornhub? ABOHAO??” [“Abohao” is a word coined by CILISOS writer New Jo-Lyn]

So without beating around the bush:

 

1. Malaysia CAN access Pornhub!

fap-fap-fap

Kerana cuaca di Malaysia panas. Image from memes.com

Welllllll….. officially, Pornhub is among the 8,719 “inappropriate” sites blocked by the Malaysian Communication and Multimedia Commission (MCMC) so you should be seeing something like this every time you try to access it:

Screenshot 2014-12-18 15.52.22

FYI, redtube.com

However, this restriction can be bypassed quite easily with a quick Google search. On that note though, when this writer was doing his research last night, he actually managed to access Pornhub from both his office and home connections without any bypassing. So what we’re trying to say is…

Yes, CILISOS pays YOU to surf porn!* Send your application to [email protected]!

*(Terms & conditioner apply)

But as to why this happens, we don’t know for sure although what we do know is that you’ve probably stopped reading this and gone to check your “internet freedom.”

 

2. Pornhub watches you surf porn

Well, newsflash-

fg6ob (1)

Despite all the precautions you might take – locking the doors, using headphones, etc – someone is still watching you, and even worse, taking notes on what you search for and click on to tambah perencah to your Mamee Monster.

Among some of the things Pornhub and another porn search engine called PornMD has revealed:

  • Malaysians prefer boobs over butts
  • Malaysia ranks in 8th place for porn searches involving the word “pregnant”
  • Malaysians tahan the longest (12:05 minutes on average) when watching porn in the region
  • The top 10 search terms in Malaysia are: Malay, Malaysia, Japanese, Malaysian, Asian, Malaysia (again, dunno why), Malay gay, rape, massage, Japan
NAH, BACA:
You need to see the itinerary for GRAB's epic Star Wars vacation giveaway for 2 lucky Malaysians

So yea, we really like Malaysian-made porn

buatan malaysia

Buatan Malaysia mmg bes! Image from beritasemasa.com.my

Oh, on the bright side, all this data is anonymous so it’s all good we suppose. You can check out all this hot, sexy data at Pornhub’s Insights page (NSFW).

 

3. Watching porn (should) reduce sex crime

While there’s a whole lot of sociocultural implications associated with porn,  we’re going to focus on the point that as access to porn increases, sex crimes either decrease or remain unchanged.

For the sake of this argument, we made a table of the population of the three states (2010 stats), the number of rape cases in each state (2010 stats), the ratio, and time spent watching porn.

Screenshot 2014-12-18 17.59.37

Font looks different cause the writer fails at math. (Sorry editor!)

What the ratio shows are number of rape cases per hundred thousand people (Rape cases / population) andddd…… it basically blows a load of bunk all over the idea that watching porn reduces sex crimes. BUT…!

These numbers are flawed!

Okay so you just caught us with our pants down. For one thing, the stats are by city and not state. Also, we are only looking at rape cases and disregarding cases of incest, domestic abuse, and outraging of modesty.

In truth, these hasn’t been a lot of research into the relationship between watching porn and sex crimes in Malaysia. Maybe it could also be that the sex crimes are mostly happening in smaller towns, while actually decreasing in the cities where these stats are taken from? What we CAN note, though, is that sex-related crimes have increased from 2000 – 2010.

 

Soooooo… People in Terengganu and Kelantan just like watching porn?

Screenshot 2014-12-18 12.04.27

Eh… well, this might also not be completely true either.

See, there’s no Unifi service in Terengganu and Kelantan, and being that Pornhub is a video streaming site, we can conclude that…..

They spend more time waiting for the videos to load

wpid-skeleton-computer.jpg

Image from blogoftheboss.com

12 Comments

  1. Pingback: 8 totally real Malaysian news we thought were April Fools’ jokes | CILISOS - Current Issues Tambah Pedas!

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  3. Pingback: CILISOS says sorry to Wallase Tan for implying porno habit | CILISOS - Current Issues Tambah Pedas!

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