9 overseas product names only Malaysians will LOL at

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Please note that a lot of the content here may be vulgar if you have a dirty enough mind. If you’d rather not be offended, please click here to see the writer KOed on the floor of a bar.

You’ve probably seen on social media or heard from the one drunk uncle in your family about the whole controversy surrounding Timah whiskey’s product name – you know, the one where a certain politician had a problem with. Netizens were super quick to lash back with other alcoholic products with ridiculous names, like this one:

We didn’t wanna be left out of the fun, and y’all seemed to like the last funny brands article we did, so… we thought why not do a part 2?

 

1. Zarraga Pantat Fingerlings

In case y’all aren’t as “cultured” as we are in the Malay language, pantat actually means vagina. Yeah. According to Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka, pantat can also mean butt or the bottom part of something, but most of the time we hear it being used is in reference to said body part.

But for real tho, pantat means catfish in Tagalog, which makes sense since this Filipino company supplies baby catfish.

Take it from us, don’t go around fingerling pantats.

 

2. Pondan Cake Mixes

One of our readers said to look out for “pondan leaves in Australia” in the comments of our previous post… Sorry man, we couldn’t find any pondan leaves anywhere.

What we DID find for sale in Australia, though, are a range of cake mixes called Pondan. Why Pondan? Turns out, the brand hails from Indonesia, where the word pondan means marzipan… which kinda fits because marzipan is used a lot in baking.

The best cake mix we found in their lineup is probably this one:

So yeah if you wanna make fabulous cakes, you know which cake mix you should go for now.

 

3. “Goreng Cibai Instan”

We bet some at least some of you would gladly eat this snack based on its name alone. No? Just us?

Getting our minds out of the longkang for a moment, cibai here doesn’t mean what you think it does, it’s actually an Indonesian snack similar to the samosas we have here.

If you’re hankering for some cibai at home, you can make your very own by following this recipe video:

 

4. Pundek

When we were looking up random swear words on Google (while getting paid for it), we found this company in Brazil simply called Pundek. If you’ve been around Tamil speaking friends for any length of time, you’ll know that pundek means vagina. That’s, uh, three entries relating to one body part so far.

But no, this company doesn’t manufacture or sell pundek, they’re a consultancy firm based in Santa Catarina, Brazil specializing in engineering, topography and georeferencing. The company’s name seems to be the founder’s name, as far as we can tell.

Does that mean if you’re worker there, you can call your boss pundek and get off scott free?

 

5. Lanjiao Cola

Here’s something you’ll probably never wanna hear: “Hey, you wanna have some lanjiao?”

This questionably named soft drink was released in China in 2017 much to the delight of the mainland Chinese, Malaysians and Singaporeans, and went on to sell over 100 million units that summer. It’s name isn’t that dirty if you just look at it on the surface – when translated into English, it means “Blue Shout” (Blue Scream?). The company behind the drink, Musiney, even had a tagline for Lanjiao:

“再难也不要叫，再难也不能投降。” (Don’t scream even if things get difficult, don’t give up)

Very inspirational.

 

6. Lancap Capsules

Depending on how much knowledge you have of pharmaceutical drugs, you’ll either know that this is a drug that helps treat heartburn, or pills that help you… help yourself.

What, you don’t know what lancap means? Here’s the definition from the Dewan Bahasa Website:

Zina tangan = masturbation. Maybe your mom’s been wrong all these years; lancap can actually be good for you.

 

7. Tony Bodoh

Well, this one’s straight up a dude’s name. Specifically, this dude:

While the last name Bodoh isn’t THAT common, the website forebears.io estimates that there are about 692 people around the world called Bodoh, and most of them are either in the United States or Israel.

Thankfully, none of them seem to live in Malaysia, because gerenti they would’ve been bullied relentlessly in school.

 

8. BlacKote

You really can’t make this sh*t up, man, and their kotes don’t only come in the black variant.

The writer starts with this…

…and ends with this, on the daily.

The company is basically a supplier of various types of paint and adhesives, and apparently, kote is supposed to be pronounced “coat”. But meh, that’s boring, we’ll be sticking with kote.

 

9. Konek TV

It’s 3am, you’re in bar in Las Vegas. You’re exhausted after a long day of betting it all on red and losing your hard earned pension fund. You turn to look at the TV in an attempt to distract yourself from your rapidly disintegrating life… and it’s Konek TV.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), Konek TV is nothing like that one website which rhymes with “tub”. The channel mainly airs eSports and regular sports in bars across Las Vegas… and maybe they didn’t do so well at first, because they’ve since changed their name to BettorView. Hope they’re doing bettor now.

 

There are more funny brand names than Maggi flavors on supermarket shelves

As much as we’d love to include everything we’ve found while looking for unintentionally funny brand names, there’s just not enough word count… BUT we do have a couple of honorable mentions we’d like to throw into the ring:

If you’re broke and you need strobe lights…

It’s not easy swallowing a whole buto (not speaking from personal experience)

A PuK1 that charges your devices? That’s disgusting! Where can we get one?

In the end, while it’s alright for us to laugh at these seemingly silly names, but let’s not harass the companies or people behind the products because the names don’t necessarily carry the same meanings where they come from… and doing that just makes us Malaysians look bad.

Before we cap this one off, we have one last of advice for y’all: don’t call your boss a pundek in Malaysia.