Sultan of Melaka got arrested!?!

Ok sorry guys, but the truth is, this is old news.

One year ago, the Sultan of Melaka was escorted by police to his destination, but he wasn’t being carted to an official event with fancy riders, a luxury sedan and tinted windows.

He was sitting in the back of a white PDRM Waja on his way to be investigated under the Sedition Act.

How did no one hear about this?

Wouldn’t this qualify as big news? The sight of a state’s ruler riding in the back of a police car must have been Harian Metro photog’s dream. People would ask a whole bunch of questions. What did he do? Did he blow up a Mongolian model? Did he touch his young aide improperly? Did he insult another royalty? Why were there only 2 outriders accompanying him instead of the usual 20?

But the real reason will blow your mind.

Melaka doesn’t even have a Sultan!

See, the problem with claiming you’re the sultan of Melaka is the fact that the sultanate ended in 1511 after the kingdom was conquered by the Portuguese empire, possibly to liberate the spices from a Muslim monarchy, which explains why he’s being arrested under the Sedition act.

Currently, there are only 9 states in Malaysia with officially accepted royal rulers: Johor, Kedah, Kelantan, Negeri Sembilan, Pahang, Perak, Perlis, Selangor and Terengganu. Until Noor Jan Tuah showed up, that is.

Who is this pretender to the (non-existent) throne?

According to New Straits Times, Noor Jan Tuah, a businessman, first made claim to the throne in 2005 when he “set up a “palace” at a 70-year-old traditional house in Bukit Punggor here, and held an “investiture”.”

Surprisingly, this is not the first time Noor Jan had a run in with the law.

In 2010, he was probed by the police after having launched a company’s online website in Bandar Puteri, Bangi. He arrived at the function in a Rolls Royce costing RM2.75million and bearing the number plate of “Sultan Diraja Melaka”.

This raised a red flag. Why?

‘Cos having to point out the price of stuff you own is a sign of having young money, not old money. And if you’re royalty, your money’s pretty much the latter.

A few policemen on patrol, who probably paid attention during history class and noticed something fishy, went to question the sultan’s driver who looked even fishier. “The 35-year-old driver was arrested for suspected drug abuse.”

Okay, so we’re starting to think that having an employee who was high didn’t bode very well for Noor Jan’s case. To make matters worse, he didn’t even own his expensive ride! 

“Checks on the car revealed that it was rented from a secondhand car dealer.”

But getting arrested did not deter him in his quest to regain his throne. Noor Jan claimed that the International Court of Justice recognized his status as the rightful heir in 2013, a claim that was quickly shot down with one simple email to ICJ.

“I regret to have to inform you that no case involving the issues and/or persons mentioned in your communication is pending before the ICJ or has ever been examined by it.” – The ICJ Information Department’s reply in an email 

Basically ICJ just said, “Who?”

In case you’re wondering, yes, he did ask our gomen to recognize his status. Guess what they said? Nope.

So how did he manage to keep the act going?

Despite all that, Noor Jan Tuah has his charisma going for him. When he was arrested before going to a ceremony at Pulau Besar, presumably to do sultan-y things, he had an entourage of about 50 (??!!!) people with him. That is a big number, and you don’t convince people just by waving a paper claiming to be the sultan of Melaka.

It could also be down to his generous nature in handing out titles. Noor Jan had handed out Datukships in the hundreds, in exchange for “cash donations” from the recipients. Apparently, the sum was a paltry amount for a royalty.

“We could easily take hundreds of thousands of ringgit. But you see, we are still driving an old car.” Noor Jan Tuah said, referring to his vintage Porsche sportscar.

This writer hopes that one day he too could look wistfully at a Porsche, bemoaning the fact that such an old model does not befit his station in life.

It’s not just status climbers who believe in Noor Jan Tuah. There are also rakyatfolk who give him the benefit of the doubt.

“When I was growing up I would sometimes wonder, why didn’t Melaka have a Sultan like the other states, when we learned in Sejarah that the Sultan line started with Parameswara in Melaka?

So when this guy came about claiming to be Sultan of Melaka but (was) brushed off, one of the things I considered was… Hey, why are we so quick to deny everything he said?

Maaaaybe, it could be that the authorities were trying to silence him because to acknowledge a new Sultan now after all these years would have serious implications on the state and the country. The state would now have to acknowledge its highest power to be the Sultan instead of the Chief Minister and the country would have another Sultan in the 5 year cycle.

I’m not in any way saying I support him and all, and it could very well be just a lie in the end.” – Randomly Selected Malaccan Citizen Willing To Give A Quote

 

The Sultan’s also on Facebook! 

We’re not sure if there are other sultans who are active on FB, but this guy sure is. Judging from his constant updates, we’re sure this royalty can empathise with the rakyat’s suffering of receiving endless Pirate Kings invites.

 

He also has the rakyat’s well-being constantly in his mind, even when he’s overseas…

 

And in case you can’t get enough of his boss-like poses and pimp-like suits, he keeps regular updates even when he’s away from his future throne.

 

And if you look at this picture taken from his FB page, he clearly has a face that puts the rakyat at ease, among other things.

 

Apparently, his FB page is a gift that keeps on giving. Guess who else has given their seal of approval to him?

 

I guess when you’re endorsed by Abdul Rani Kulup, president of MJMM who was last seen on the news defending Malaysia from K-Pop, you can feel a bit more certain in your aspiration to the throne.

TL;DR

Noor Jan claims to be the Sultan of Melaka, but Melaka doesn’t have a Sultan. He was arrested twice, and had his claims refuted by both the ICJ and the Malaysian government. He also used his position to hand out Datukships like Oprah handed out cars.

And he has a daaamn interesting FB which you should check out for daily updates of boss-like poses.

 

You might not be real royalty, but for sheer balls in a climate like ours, Noor Jan Tuah, we salute you.