Every few days on social media, we’re greeted by one of these.
If you wanna see more, just search for “Parking Champions” on Facebook and you’ll have a few hours of entertainment. So after a picture of this what happens? A few of us will complain about the state of Malaysia drivers, the culprit will soon be forgotten, and next thing you know, we’re posting up a similar picture two years later.
HABIS!? WHY do ugaiz STILL wanna drive everywhere?
A study by Boston Consulting Group for our friends at Uber found that in KL itself, there are close to 6 million cars moving around. It also found that the average KL-ite wastes 20 days a year just looking for parking, and burns an average of RM16,000 annually on traffic and parking costs. In fact, their video, Boxes, pretty much sums up what it’s like to park your car in KL:
With those kinda figures, it’s no surprise that you don’t see very many people smiling in a car park, or giving you way graciously. However, one thing that makes Malaysians feel better is often to hear of OTHER Malaysians misfortune. Which is why two weeks ago, we teamed up with Uber (yay free vouchers!) to ask our readers for their rather hilarious experiences with parking in Malaysia. Here’s what they submitted. Heehee…
1. The guys who wanted to body chup a parking spot… by LYING DOWN on the spot – Nic Andersen
Poor Nic was just looking for a car park at a popular mall, when he had a very bizarre standoff.
He saw a Proton Wira reversing out of a carpark, so as per parking etiquette, he put his signal to indicate ‘ownership’ of the soon-to-be-vacated lot. And then 3 guys stepped out of the Wira, and things got a bit weird.
“1 of them stood in front of me & kept waving his hand, featuring me to leave. I indicated that I wanted to park there. He still waved me away. As The Proton Wira was backing out of the car park & driving away, I swing out so I could drive into the now vacant car park. To my disbelief, 1 of the guys actually lied down on the spot where I wanted to park. The other 2 guys shouted & told me to leave.” – Nic Andersen
Nic was confused as heck, but with the situation getting more aggresive, he decided to abandon his ‘ownership’ and drive on. As he looked in his rear view mirror, he saw the guys wave happily at the car behind him (must’ve been a friend lo) to enter the lot.
Lesson learnt: Never argue with lying guys
2. Double-park victim saved by asskickin aunty with a secret weapon – Wong Wei Jung
Of course, nothing says douchey driver more than a German sportscar, worse still if driven by someone in their mid-30s.
Wong Wei Jung is a student who parked his Honda in a proper parking lot when a Porsche Panamera zoomed in, double parked and walked off. A few minutes later, Wei Jung wanted to leave.
“So I carried out the SOP of contacting the number on the dashboard but no response. Honked for almost 15 mins, still nothing. Then this good samaritan Aunty arrived in an Alza, and asked me what’s the deal. AND THEN proceeded to pull out a LOUDSPEAKER and started hailing. ” – Wei Jung
At that point, Mr. Porsche finally realised it was his car. He calmly stood up from his table and proceeded to remove his car, receiving plenty of eyeballs from the restaurant diners.
“What to do, Porsche bro. Aunty managed to get a parking and received applause and compliments from the other diners in the restaurant!”
Lesson Learnt: Don’t mess with aunties
3. Kena double park by someone who left more than just her phone number – Reuben Joseph
Sometimes, karma can be a bish for both people, especially in double-parking heavens like SS2. Reuben did the tough (but right) thing, and searched a good 20 minutes to find a proper car park. Unfortunately, when he came back, there was an old Vios double-parked behind him. Fortunately at least, she had left her cell number on the dashboard, which reuben proceeded to call, and the Young chinese girl arrived a short 5 minutes later. UNfortunately, that wasn’t the only thing she left.
“She had forgotten to turn off her headlights resulting in her car being unable to start! I was livid and annoyed but tried my best to keep calm. She then had to walk to a nearby workshop to get someone to come help jump-start her car. All in all, that’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back.” – Reuben Joseph
Lesson learnt: “Never, ever eat at SS2 ever again,” jokes Reuben. “Kidding. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO TURN OFF YOUR HEADLIGHTS. And this incident inspired me to get a pair of jump-start cables to keep in my car in case there is ever a repeat of such an incident.”
4. The one where have no choice but to belakang mari – Cameron Kang
Cameron weighs more than 100kg, which is totally fine (our editor same also), except when you’re in a super tight-fit car park. He had dropped by Tesco for a snack before an appointment, finding a perfect car spot near the entrance, and left more than enough room on both sides. Unfortunately, when he got back, he was tightly sandwiched between an Altis and a MyVi, leaving barely an inch on both sides.
“Both new cars parked like just inches to my car, the MyVi on the right parked head in and the Altis reversed in. So I was unable to get into my car, not even from passenger side. Panicked for a while until a creative passerby suggested me to climb into my car on the hatch door… which left me no choice but to use this embarrassing way to get in…” – Cameron Kang
Lesson learnt: “Always buy hothatch or MPV next time. If all side door was blocked, you still can use the hatch door to enter your car…”
5. Can’t remember where he parked cos of lousy signage – Jack
Jack isn’t very young. But way back in the early 2000s, he was a strapping gentleman who had just successfully wooed his new girlfriend, while on a stayover with some friends in Genting. Today, Genting’s car park is the epitome of modernity, with clearly marked floors and exits. Back then however, Jack remembers it differently.
“I remember when arriving the previous day, it took a long time to find a carpark, and finally I found one for my WRX on the floor marked with a bird. But then next day as I was leaving, with my new girlfriend in tow, I noticed ALL THE FLOORS WERE FRIGGIN BIRD SHAPES! Uncle Lim you think everyone birdwatcher or what? I can’t remember whether it was Burung Kakak Tua or Flamingo wei” – Jack
Jack swears that he took a solid 1-hour of scouring every floor to find his car eventually (it was a parrot – he thinks). His new girlfriend broke up with him 3 months later. The End.
Lesson learnt: Always remember what your bird looks like
6. The father who play GTA like his son.
Ever been told just how you take after your father/mother? It seems like bad driving could be hereditary too, as told by our reader William Cheah. Once in Sarikei (that’s in Sarawak, if you didn’t know), William and his friends witnessed a young teenager with a P license, driving a white Myvi as though he was in GTA V Versi Malaysia. The teenager had wanted to reverse out from his spot while avoiding a car, but panicked at that very moment and hit TWO vehicles.
“He tekan the oil and rammed into a Toyota Avanza at full speed, even though the distance was like 50 metres. After ramming the Avanza, he kept on going (tekan minyak kuat-kuat) and rammed a one-tonne lorry.” – William
The Avanza’s front hood ended up being lodged under the lorry’s tire. The driver also wanted to escape, but unfortunately for him, the Myvi’s engine had died. In the end, passersby dragged the guy and all of them went to the police station to report. And here’s where part 2 comes in.
“Together with the police officer, the teen’s father went to the accident scene. The father took over the driving, and as he wanted to reverse into the T-junction, he also tekan minyak and pecut, hitting the police car AT FULL SPEED!” – William
In the end, one Myvi hit a lorry, an Avanza, and a police vehicle. You can call it what you want, but the teen truly looked like a chip off the old block. (Or maybe off the bumper, in this case!)
Lesson learnt: Like father like son
7. The housing area self-valet uncle – Dwayne
Dwayne lives in a quiet suburb, with narrow alleys between – which is fine when you have two cars, or a kapchai, but his neighbour is an uncle who’s a bit more car-crazy than that. He has two wiras, an MR2, a mazda, and a few other cars as well. The best thing, he doesn’t actually park ANY of them in front of his house. Instead, he monopolizes the narrow alley between then.
“This joker parks the cars wide spread apart so that he can move the other cars front and back for him to park even more cars!! When confronted he said ‘I’m using old the car. When I come back at midnight i no parking … I must RESERVE’. In the morning when he removes one car, he gets down goes to the other car and move it forward so that when he gets back he can reverse the said car and park. In between that time no one else can park.” – Dwayne
If you don’t understand that, look at the image (we tried). Basically, the fler is his own car park valet, not allowing any neighbours to ever park in ‘his’ alley.
Lesson Learnt: “I’m still trying to figure out what this guy trying to win la.”
8. The Star Wars fan who had to stop to help an aunty drive an AT-AT
Depending on how much you liked Star Wars: The Last Jedi movie, you may feel sorry or relieved for Abhijay Jayaraj Menon. The sucky thing about premieres is that they’re usually on weekdays, so between work, peak hour traffic and last minute deadlines, you’re always gonna be in a bit of a rush. The laaaaast thing you want (aside from seeing Jar Jar Binks in another movie) is to wait for some aunty to take forever to park.
“I was approached by a frantic Indian aunty who spoke very little English. She forced her keys into my hand and pointed to her car which was parked very poorly. She had tried to parallel park numerous times but failed miserably.” – Ahbijay
Being at the wrong place at the wrong time, he then had to help her re-park her car. But here’s the thing… it wasn’t something as cute as a Viva or a Myvi. It was the Cina equivalent of an AT-AT walker – a Cherry Transcom van! The vehicle was pointed towards the curb, while a herd of angry shoppers honked away and shouted profanities.
“I jumped into her van and tried about 3 times to park it, struggling with a such clunky car. At this time, a few people had started gathering around and giving pointers on how to park.” – Ahbijay
In the end, he completely gave up and passed the keys to another stranger on the sidewalk to have a try. But it was super potong stim. Why? Because by the time he got to the cinema, they ran out of tickets! Ahbijay tells us that legend has it that the van was never parked properly.
Lesson learnt: It’s called an AT-AT walker for a reason
What’s your least favourite thing about parking in Malaysia?Uber were made to eliminate the need to park entirely! In fact, in hotzones like SS2, Uptown and Mid Valley, CILISOS staff rarely drive anymore, saving time by getting dropped off right at the doorstep.
Lesson Learnt: Leave the car at home. Get an Uber 🙂