Have you ever wondered what if some of the world’s most popular superheroes lived in Malaysia?
Instead of Gotham, Batman has to drive his Batmobile around the constipated LDP highway. The Flash wears a mask, but a Malaysian haze mask la. And instead of Metropolis, Superman flies with the planes at KLIA! Can you IMAGINE the craziness they’d have to live with?!
Well, we asked you guys in a callout and you came up with some pretty hilarious and creative challenges DC superheroes would face if they lived in Malaysia! We picked 7 winners who will get KFC vouchers worth RM20. YAY fried chicken and superhero shows go great together, speaking of which…
Malaysians can now watch their favourite DC superheroes anytime they want
If you haven’t heard, our friends at Astro recently introduced Warner TV to their list of channels. It features a mix of popular TV series and blockbuster movies, from genres like action, comedy and drama. And of course, some of your favourite DC superheroes are in it too.
To enjoy, just tune in to Astro CH719 and make sure that you’re subscribed to the Variety pack with the HD-PVR service added on. If you’re busy all day, just connect your PVR to your home WiFi and catch up on all episodes of your favourite DC superhero shows on demand. The best part is, they have complete box sets and the latest seasons of The Flash, Arrow, Supergirl and Gotham.
Ok, now let’s get on with the 7 challenges DC superheroes would face if they lived in Malaysia:
1. Everyone would know who Batman is because of his SUNBURN!!
Let’s face it, Malaysian weather is not exactly the most ideal for fighting crime. With temperatures ranging from 21°C to 35°C depending where you are in the country, Batman would be sweating bullets in his black chunky Nomex suit. But more importantly, it would totally BLOW HIS COVER!
“People will easily know that Bruce Wayne is Batman because he will only have sunburn on the uncovered part of his face.” – Kaviarasan Murugaya
The solution? Wear a full face mask (which will probably make him asphyxiate in the heat), or better yet, just use SPF 100000 sunscreen. While he’s at it, might as well change into shorts and singlet here (and yes they do come in black 🙄 ). Let’s hope he has no tattoos that would also give him away.
2. Aquaman will be useless when there’s water rationing
For 75 years, this superhero has been mocked by many DC fans as ‘the weakest member of the Justice League’. Well, living in Malaysia ain’t gonna do him any favours.
“He will be useless in KL because all water cut. Bring your own water.” – Ong Tze Kiang
In fact he really would be THE MOST useless superhero because water rationing happens so often. We just had a three-day cut in April. During El Nino season Aquaman lagi KO. And then, how is he going to summon any aquatic creatures if everything is dry? Summon from pet shops and people’s koi ponds ka?
3. Malaysians will stalk Superman until they figure out he is Clark Kent
Since Malaysians spend so much time on Facebook and Instagram, they’re probably experts at stalking people. So Clark Kent is gonna need a better disguise than just a pair of glasses (seriously tho how did people in Metropolis not figure out Clark Kent is Superman is Clark Kent?!?).
Remember KiKi, the steering lock case? People dug up her Facebook account, identity and contact details and it went viral. Even hunky durian seller tak lepas, what more hunky handsome reporter? Kantoi.
On the bright side, Clark Kent will have plenty of excuses to leave the office to become Superman:
“Boss, banana leaf earlier make me want to pangsai la, take 20min please?!”, “Boss, traffic jam la!”. “Boss, smoke break ah?!”. – Justin
4. Green Lantern would cause a lot of road accidents
The source of the Green Lantern’s extraordinary powers is that gaudy green ring on their fingers. It’s only the universe’s most powerful weapon, enabling the wearer to create whatever he or she wishes out of pure energy. And omg it glows in the dark. But while it’s useful for karaoke raids or during power failures, the ring’s power could become another factor in road accident statistics.
“Green Lantern only causes more accidents on the roads as people step on the gas pedal whenever they see a glowing green light in midair.” – Szi You
And what’s worse is that the Green Lantern is a group! That means there will be MORE THAN ONE floating green light confusing Malaysian drivers!! BODOOOH. But it’s better than having the Sinestro Corps here. They are the villain equivalent to the Green Lanterns, and their colour is yellow. Imagine seeing a yellow light on the road… Malaysian drivers usually step harder on the gas pedal. 😯
5. Krypto would be too busy running away from the dog catchers
If you think being a woman in a tube top is tough, try being a stray dog in Malaysia! So kesian, always kena shoo-ed, kena baling batu and hot water… Although Krpto aka Superdog is not a stray, his breed is never specified in the comics, he’s just depicted as a white dog of generic pedigree (in less PC terms, pariah). As far as the council dog catchers are concerned, that’s dog pound material.
“Krypto might have to spend more time fleeing rather than saving anyone as DBKL will be going after him all the time for running around the streets without a proper pet license.” – Lee Leeson
Superman would have to go and register for a pet licence and proper dog collar. But better make sure it’s on tight coz if the collar slips off while fighting bad guys…out comes the animal catching pole!
6. Swamp Thing would get stuck in the polluted swamps of Malaysia
Swamp Thing is a swamp monster that resembles an anthropomorphic mound of vegetable matter.
“The Swamp Thing’s heroic efforts to wade through our sewer systems i.e. Klang River would be greatly impeded by the amount of debris and muck that clog up the waterways… Actually, scratch that. He’d feel right at home here. Heck, he’d help our tourism industry as well. Selamat Datang, Swamp Thing.” – Cheah Soon Seng
BUUUT bear in mind that although he looks like a slimy bucket of gunk, he can only control PLANTS, not rubbish. So yeah the choking garbage in the swamps would seriously ruin his mojo. Not to mention, swamp draining and burning, occurs regularly in Malaysia.
“During heavy rain, he can travel along the SMART Tunnel which channels water away, leaving the irate and angrily honking drivers behind.” – Cheah Soon Seng
7. Car drivers spitting out of their windows will give The Flash a bad day
You would think nothing can stop the fastest man alive right? But even The Flash would have challenges if he lived in Malaysia!
“The Flash is constantly being spat on out of car windows as he races along the main roads to stop crime.” – Tiffany Lim
So he probably has to wear a full mask over his face. A waterproof outfit is highly recommended with mini wipers for his visor to clean away that spit, or else cannot see potholes and then trip and feel humiliated.
We reckon The Flash would also have empty drink cans, tapau plastic and cigarette butts thrown at him too. Dunno la, Malaysians just love to throw rubbish out of their car windows. This issue has been written about so often. There’s just no winning 🙁
They’d be the world’s lousiest heroes if they came to Malaysia
We can mentally hear them sighing in relief. Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman and the gang would not be very effective superheroes at all if they had to fight evil in Malaysia. Kena tangkap by dog catchers la, water rationing la, sunburn la… haiyo the grass is greener where they originally were.
After all, only in Metropolis can Superman’s identity be safe. Only in Gotham can the villains keep escaping the asylum to continue the storyline. So to watch DC superheroes in their element (and NO Malaysian challenges), you can always catch up with The Flash, Supergirl, Arrow and Gotham on demand! 😆