54 years to finish a race? Check out these running fails from SUKMA to the Olympics

With any kind of sporting event happening, you can expect your local mamak to be packed with people chugging their teh tariks while yelling at the TV. And the sports they watch range widely from football to badminton to the occasional tennis or hockey match.

But have you noticed it’s never running? Probably because it’s one of the easiest, most boring-est sport in existence. It’s so plain that it’s on every doctor’s list of recommended exercise.

But don’t be fooled. As unassuming as it sounds, running is in fact full of ridiculous mishaps. From runners going off-track to all out missing, running’s wildest moments can actually be traced back to more than a century ago.

 

1. The Japanese man who took 54 years to finish a race

Back in 1912, Shizo Kanakuri was many things: young, fit, handsome and already a world record holder in marathon running. With that in mind, Japan sent him to compete in the most elite sporting event in the world, the Olympics.

But it wasn’t just Kanakuri’s Olympic debut, it was the entire nation’s as well. And if you know anything about the Japanese, they’d rather go all hara-kiri on themselves (back in the day, at least) than deal with any kind of failure. Safe to say, expectations were set and they were pretty damn high.

So of course, everything went downhill.

Kanakuri’s journey to Sweden was in itself a rough start. From switching between ships and trains, to caring for his coach who was sick with tuberculosis, he didn’t have a single minute of rest. By the time he arrived at Stockholm, he was exhausted, dehydrated and just a shadow of the determined young man who departed from Japan.

And it only got worse from there. Race day ended up being so hot that midway through the marathon, Kanakuri just stopped running. It was said that he spied a garden party from the roadside, where guests were chatting and enjoying some cool, refreshing juice. Lured by the temptation, Kanakuri gatecrashed the party, got a drink and even snuck in a nap. Some time later he woke up, all geared up to hit the finish line.

Except the race was over and a whole day had passed.

Embarrassed beyond words, Kanakuri packed up and left Sweden immediately. He probably thought he could pretend the whole thing never happened. And considering the weight of his country that was on his shoulders, man, was he in a tight spot. But Kanakuri’s bad luck wasn’t over yet. You see, he hadn’t been seen since the start of the race and that naturally got Swedish officials worried. So they reported him missing.

Back in Japan, perhaps to make up for his terrible outing, Kanakuri trained hard. He kept running and competing, celebrated even as the Father of Marathon in Japan. And meanwhile, his little blunder in Sweden was steadily growing into a legendary tale, gathering an entire nation of fans who were curious about their missing runner.

Fast forward to 1966, Swedish media decided it was time they check in on Kanakuri. Technology had developed enough that they could contact him directly and to their delight, Kanakuri was not only alive but doing great. So great, that he even accepted their offer of returning back on track for the race he never finished.

And so to a crowd of amused and adoring friends, Kanakuri crossed the finish line of his first ever marathon. The time was 54 years, 8 months, 6 days, 5 hours, 32 minutes and 20.3 seconds– the longest marathon in history as certified by Guinness World Records. All those years not only gave Kanakuri a historic moment but a sense of humor as well.

“It’s been a long race, but then I got myself a wife, 6 children and 10 grandchildren during it, and that takes time, you know,” – Shizo Kanakuri to Sweedish reporters

 

 

2. The bell-ringer who had one job and blew it on the last lap

Well, as the slogan goes, Malaysia Boleh. And Malaysia boleh ada running shenanigans too. The recently concluded SUKMA made headlines when a handful of athletes were caught in a doping scandal.

It was shocking to say the least, but there were actually a few more problems brewing underneath.

It all started when the Malaysian Games Supreme Council announced that they were increasing the age limit of participants from 21 to 23 (to make up for the postponed games in ’20). And while it seemed like a decent offer at first glance, it was on the condition that only records set by athletes under 21 were recognised. Mayhaps not the biggest blow, but to many athletes, breaking records are the highlights of their careers.

The whole thing was kinda like being offered a large glass of water on a boiling hot day and being told you could only have a small sip. Naturally, people weren’t very happy.

“In my mind, I only focused on breaking the record. But when the time was not recognised, I was a little disappointed,”- Muhammad Ikbolasen, Men’s 10,000m winner, quoted by Harakah Daily

But here’s where things really kicked up a notch. Drama unfolded during the women’s 5000m walk when race participants supposedly completed an extra lap.

Fingers were pointed at the bell-ringer, the guy whose only job is to ring the bell when athletes have one lap to go. Evidently, he failed and coaches stormed onto the field to confront officials on duty.

The fact that there was no hard evidence, and with neither party willing to back down, things turned into a bit of a he-said-she-said situation. Eventually, the whole thing was just left unresolved. In the middle of it all, the athletes hadn’t said a word, though it would be them who were affected, seeing that athletes are selected for events and competitions based on the times they clock.

 

 

3. The hitchhiker, sleeping beauty and the guy who got rat poison

If you shook your head at those other blunders, you might need to get yourself a neck brace for this one. The St Louis Olympic marathon was legitimately the most stupid event ever. And that’s not even coming from us, it’s a quote from the marathon’s documentary.

“The 1904 Olympic marathon was a story of fraud, thievery, raw eggs, rat poison, food poisoning, liquor, feral dogs and at least 3 separate incidents of near-deaths. It was the stupidest sporting event of all time,” – IMDB summary

While the participants were a separate bunch of fails on their own, the major downfall came from the race organiser who fancied himself an avid scientist. James Sullivan theorised that drinking while running was a big no-no. He may have been onto something, seeing that carb rinsing is a thing athletes do these days, but implementing only 1 water station throughout a 40 km route? Admittedly, not his brightest moment. That coupled with the fact that race day was so hot and dusty, things weren’t looking good.

And it’s not as if the runners needed help failing.

First, there was Felix Carvajal, a Cuban postman who raised the funds for his journey to America on his own. Once in America though, he gambled his funds away and had to hitch a ride to the stadium. Arriving just in the nick of time, Carvajal looked like any other well-dressed tourist, but unfortunately not a well-dressed runner. Luckily for him, a kind spectator (who was conveniently carrying a pair of scissors) helped transform Carvajal’s billowy shirt and fancy pants into a marathon-ready uniform.

But Carvajal’s story doesn’t stop there. Having not eaten for a whole 40 hours, he was absolutely ravenous. As he was running, he stopped for a chat with two young women who were snacking on some peaches. Seeing his chance, he snatched the peaches and sprinted away, though it wasn’t enough for the still hungry Carvajal. As luck would have it, he then came across an apple orchard. Needless to say, he stole the apples too.

But all that thieving meant karma came back with a vengeance for him. It turned out the apples were rotten and Carvajal got a stomachache. Rather than endure the pain, he thought it better to sleep it away so he laid down by the roadside and took a nap. Later refreshed and recharged, Carvajal went on to finish the race in 4th place.

Then there was Fred Lorz. From the beginning itself, Lorz was in the lead. But about a third of the way in, he came down with some terrible cramps. He couldn’t walk, much less run, but he did signal for help from his coach who was tailing him in a car. Lorz was on his own at the time, so no one saw him jump in, then ride the rest of the way in the comfy cushions of his coach’s car. It was only when he was close to the stadium did Lorz hop off and continue running.

Feeling as fresh as a daisy, Lorz then loped to the finish line in an impressive display of athletic ability. As he was about to receive his medal, someone from the crowd divulged all the juicy details of Lorz’s cunning plan. In the panic of this confrontation, Lorz tried to pass it off as a joke, but no one was buying so he gave and fled from the scene.

And at that very moment, Thomas Hicks was entering the stadium for his final lap around the track. He was also drugged out of his mind.

Like many others in the race, Hicks suffered badly from dehydration. But drinking his own water would mean an immediate disqualification so Hicks’ handlers gave him a stimulant. It was a nasty concoction of egg wash, brandy and Strychnine, commonly used in rat poison. Back then apparently, it got runners to finish their race. Which Hicks did, and joy of joys, he won too!

Never mind that he nearly died and had to be carried out afterwards. But hey, winning is winning.