7 Malaysian news headlines turned into horror movies

Hello little Malaysians… it’s that time of year again- the time for thrills, chills, and outrage of ISMA proportions. No, we’re not referring to the Budget 2015… we’re referring to Halloween. By now, you should be no stranger to lists of the standard Halloween scare fare (yawn) on your Facebook feed but really, you’re not gonna watch them because you don’t find them as scary as you should (double yawn).

Why? ‘Cause these movies don’t relate to you.

• Hockey-masked killer in a summer camp? Pfft. We don’t have summer camps. Or summer for that matter.
• Bloodsucking vampires? Pfft. How many times have we been offered a “chance to be rich without working”?
• Crazed demon killer who kills us in our sleep? Hello, this is the land of 24-hour mamaks wei. Nobody sleeps.

This is why we’ve put together a list of movies that’ll keep you awake with the lights on at night, your head under your blanket, crying out for mommy… But don’t lift your head though, cause between petrol price increases and tornadoes, you never know if you’re already living in a real life horror movie.*evil cackle*

1. Naik of the Living Costs

Starring: Joe Rakyat, Najib Razak

Plot: Residents of a small town are invaded by a genetically engineered undead creature that escapes from a government facility. The townspeople are unaware of what’s happening as the creature is able to mimic financial assistance while slowly eating them… out of house and home. Terror and confusion rises as their paychecks start disappearing before the end of the month while members from the mysterious Governmental Strike Team (GST) are tasked to contain the problem at all costs.

2. I Want to Touch a Dog

Starring: Ibrahim Ali, Syed Azmi, Johan Jakim

Plot: Villagers of a small kampung investigating a crashed meteorite instead find an alien space pod full of cute, four-legged creatures. Called “Dog” for the hypnotic sound they make, the first few villagers mind-controlled into touching these harmless looking creatures are torn apart in a whirlwind of violence for the calcium in their bones. Hiding for their lives while trying to avoid the hypnotic cuteness of these deadly Dogs, a family’s bid for survival is compromised when their young son Ismail (Played by newcomer Syed Azmi) befriends a wounded Dog…

3. UPSR III

Starring: Muhyi Deen, 473,000 standard six students

Plot: A young boy (played by Muhyi Deen) wakes up to find himself in a time loop, repeating his exam day over and over. He notices that those who mention any realization of this loop is taken away, and are missing the “next day”. Slowly being driven insane by repetitive studying and resitting papers, the audience is kept glued to their seats wondering if he will ever reach the day after tomorrow. This is (hopefully) the final chapter of the highly-regarded UPSR Trilogy.

4. Lusa

AlorSetarring: Muhyi Deen, Jonathan Slangor, Abu bin Klang, Mariam Keda

Plot: From the acclaimed director of the UPSR Trilogy, Lusa takes place after the nameless young boy (a role retained by the excellent actor Muhyi Deen) passes his exams and arrives at the day after tomorrow. He finds out that magnetic activity from a neighboring planet has caused a constant loop of drought, tornadoes, and dark smog to envelop the Earth. Also, the inhabitants have turned into zombies.  

5. Killer Choc

Starring: Azwanddin Hamzah, Nadzim Johan, Hana Hysteria

Plot: Researchers from a private research facility discover evidence of illegal genetic experimentation in an abandoned lab located near a lake. After a landslide occurs, they find themselves trapped and terrorized by a weaponized crocodile crossbred with pig DNA (for intelligence) and cocoa beans (so that it never sleeps). When Dr. Azmi’s love interest Sara is bitten by the killer crocodile, he has to make a choice: to head out into the open to find a way to escape, or to head deeper into the facility in hopes of finding a blood transfusion.

6. The Boogelman

Starring: Alvin Tan, Vivian Lee, naked people.

Plot: A man tries to convince his psychologist that a mythical being known as The Boogelman is real and killing clothing designers and manufacturers by running them through a giant sewing machine in order to cast the world into nakedness. On the run from paint-covered nudist followers of The Boogelman after baring all to his shrink, he runs into beautiful woman who knocks his socks off. But who is she? Is she an innocent bystander who happened to be entangled in his web of intrigue, or a secret follower of The Boogeyman?

7. I Know What You Wrote Last Summer

Starring: Susan Loone, Azmi Sharom, Chow Mun Fai, Adam Adli

Plot: Based off the Malay saying “Diberi sejengkal hendak sehasta, diberi sehasta minta pula sedition”, four friends find themselves fighting for their freedom as they are hunted by a cloaked figure attracted to dissenting voices. As they start disappearing one after the other, they have a choice: keep fighting or shut up and listen, listen, listen!

So there you go, seven super scary movies to keep you up at night. We strongly suggest that you not watch them all at one go as it may cause permanent psychological harm.

But don’t get too scared though. Keep telling yourself it’s all make-believe.

….Or is it? mWahahaHaHahaAHahahahahahAHahahaHahahahahaahaaaa~